TEAM BABIES::THE HEART

Everyone has been so sweet with their concerns about my emotions after having the babies.

As much as I thought I will be fine throughout this whole process I really didn't know for sure? I've never done this before. 

Your mind and heart start preparing for something like this long before the babies are born. Unconsciously I was preparing. I've said it before I am so glad I wasn't a teen mom because I wouldn't have be strong enough to give my baby away. There's just no way. But when it's not your baby, I've learned, it's totally different. 

I am so glad I waited until I was done having children to help Kim and Curtis. I can't imagine being pregnant again. Obviously we didn't know they would have triplets but having triplets has closed the doors for this body. Carrying 7 is enough right?

I remember when we told the kids about our plans to put "Aunt Kimmie and Uncle Curtis' bubbles in Mom's belly to see if they would grow". It was such an exciting time for our family even though we had no idea if it was going to work. The kids have been so accepting. We can all learn from kids. They just mold to any situation. I have had no worries or concerns about their little minds. Honestly I assume they think it's just totally normal for Aunts to carry their nieces and nephews. Which is fine by me.

When we did the first embryo transfer last June and it didn't work, that's when I knew it was going to be different emotionally. I had to give Kim and Curtis that awful call that it didn't work. While they were absolutely crushed. I was confused and eager to try again. I wasn't sad like them. I was sad for them. 

I knew the next try would be the final try. And I was fighting the emotion of failure. I didn't want to feel like a failure to Kim and Curtis. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me. Even though it had nothing to do with me and I knew they loved me no matter what the outcome. I did not want to give them that call again.

I was so happy I got to send this picture instead!

The first probably 4 months were full of ups and downs. It was definitely exhausting on the mind. I always felt I was loosing the babies. I bled on 3 different occasions. One time I was in so much pain, Tyler had to take me to the ER, which I thought for sure we were going to see the triplets gone. Try to imagine the worry I had that I was going to have to tell these now elated parents their babies were gone... Those times were hard. Way harder than being ginormous, uncomfortable, hot... I think people were just waiting for me to break down and complain when I was carrying these triplets. How could I complain? I had 3 healthy babies thriving inside of me.

Later in the pregnancy is when you usually start preparing. You are thinking names, setting up a nursery, wondering who they will look like... I didn't experience urges to do these things. It just wasn't there. I was so focused on my own family that these things weren't on my mind. I did experience nesting, but my house needed a good organize anyway!

Now the babies are being pulled out of the belly. What am I thinking at that time? Even though it doesn't sound very personal I thought of this journey as a job or a goal of some sort. And until I knew those babies were 100% perfect and healthy my job wasn't done. So that's what was going through my head. Please be perfect for Kim and Curtis. It was probably a blessing the births happened so fast. There really was no time to be emotional.

Seeing and holding the babies for the first time was amazing. And that's when this weight was lifted off my shoulders. They're healthy, perfect and my journey is finished. My job is done and my goal has been met. There's not a better feeling. It's like here you go Mom and Dad, have fun! 

I had a moment in the hospital when I was missing one of Drew's baseball games. I obviously wanted to be there and I couldn't wait to find out how Drew did. That's when it hit me. My life has changed. We are out of the baby stage and onto the next phase. Which excites me. Since Kim and Curtis have been married so long without children, I've always been a little jealous when they can just hit dinner and a movie at any given time. Or actually go to a store childless.... Now we've switched and it feels wonderful. Thanks to my awesome built in babysitter, Liv, Tyler and I have a lot more freedom. Kim and Curtis are doing exactly what they want to be doing, taking care of 3 sweet newborns and we are doing exactly what we want to be doing, not taking care of any newborns. 

How was it leaving the hospital empty handed? Haha. My hands were empty. But imagine how full my heart was. There was no sadness. Actually I was nauseous (those darn pain meds). You have to remember I was pregnant with triplets. Leaving the hospital I was no longer pregnant with triplets. I wanted to dance in the street, bend over to tie my shoe and run up a flight of stairs! I never knew how hard it was to carry them until I was done carrying them. Life is good.

I love these babies so much. I love them like a proud Aunt would love them. I love that I could bring them here to their Mom and Dad. I love that they will always be special to me and me to them. I love that they have amazing parents that will guide them into amazing people. But above all, I love how much my kids love them. Nothing makes me more emotional than that.

So I seriously appreciate all the concerns. Even Tyler would ask every day, "How are you doing, no like your emotions, how are your emotions?" Haha. I think he was expecting a major meltdown or at least some postpartum at any moment. Luckily I'm just not that emotional in the first place. Just another walk in the park I guess.