Olivia is 5. She acts like she's 12. So it's no surprise she attracts older kids. The neighborhood friends she plays with are much older than 5. Olivia has never had any problem making friends and she will make a friend wherever we are. Which is great but what happens when they are older? Or when they are boys? She rides bikes with 3 boys in our neighborhood. I think they are 12 and 8. I like these boys and have no problem with her riding bikes with them as long as she is only riding bikes with them. Then there are two different girls in the neighborhood that love to play with Liv. Vanessa is 8 and Ismariah is 8 as well. Why don't they hook up and play they are the same age? Anyways I just find it weird that they would even want to play with a 5 year old. Then there's Eric, little Eric. He's only 7 but he's in second grade. Although he looks and talks like he's 5 I have heard him say things that I don't love. He only has one older brother that's in middle school so I know he learns certain things from him and his friends. Eric loves Olivia and I swear he waits by the window all day to see when Olivia steps out in the backyard. Then there's times when they want to go play in her room or in the basement. K seriously her room is full of GIRL stuff, why would he ever want to play in there. I feel because he is a boy I would have to totally be right there watching them the whole time and that's not fun to me. All these kids I mentioned aren't members, which is great to me. I love some variety but then I don't have the chance to get to know their parents, so I don't allow Liv to go to their house. But they are more than welcome to come to our house, is that wrong? I want Olivia to stay and think like a 5year old and hanging out with older kids is just going to do the opposite. Like yesterday I asked if she would like a care bear or a my little pony birthday party and you should have seen the look on her face! Mom that's for babies! Really, cause I swear I played with them till high school. So what do you guys do with your kids, do you draw a line? What if these kids know what s.e.x. is? Or the whole truth about Santa and they tell her. Oh I would be devastated! But then what if these kids really don't have any other friends and Olivia is just making their life happier? What do you think????
7 comments:
Jamie,
I wish that I had some experience advice, but I am not quite to that point yet. So I have some roundabout advice. As parents we are really blessed with inspiration about what is safe and right for our children. We only get to protect, guide and teach them for a little bit of time and we should use that time as well as we can. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the situation, there is probably a reason- either you need more information or it isn't a good situation. You shouldn't worry about the other boys (if she is their only friend) obviously you want to be nice to them but not at the expense of Olivia’s safety.
On the other hand, you don't want to totally cut them out of her life. I would allow them to play together, but set my boundaries (like only in the backyard where I can see what is going on). And I would honestly be really hesitant, and most likely I wouldn’t let her, 8 and 12 year old boys should be playing with kids their own age. I don't think it is unreasonable to not allow her to go to their house, I think it's being smart :o) Also, if she makes friends really easily you can do a little bit of behind the scenes to help find friends her age that would be more appropriate. There have been a lot of devastating situations to some girls in my family where the parents thought they would be safe, or nothing could happen. I just think this is a situation where you need to be very careful. You’re a really good mom, she is so lucky to have you!!
Sorry that was so long!!
I think you're like me, you want her to experience the real world and not be sheltered, and finding that balance with keeping them protected and safe is so hard! Like was said above, makng sure you can always see them is a great idea, like no closed doors, stuff like that. Brayden was in a situation with her 5 yr old girl cousin and a boy a little older all in a room together, and because Brayden tells me everything she told me what went on in there and it shocked me. Nothing horribly awful, but still, not good. It's scary what kids come up with when they're alone, even at this age. I guess it's just best to be as safe as you can be.
As far as her acting older, I don't know if this would work on Olivia, but whenever Brayden gets into her snooty teenage mode, we try to find something that we know she likes that brings her back to being a 5 year old. It could be a game, book, movie, going somewhere to play, or pretty much anything she gets really excited about and it's funny how she'll go from being 15 to 5 in a matter of seconds. Or you could always send her over to our house to get some 5 yr old interaction. :)
Always be safe then sorry. You're not crazy for not wanting her to go to their houses. Older kids like to play with the younger ones normally because they like to be the one in charge. Sometimes they can't be the one in charge in their own age group of friends so they tend to age down. It would be hard to cut them totally off as friends, she might act out. Just have boundaries for sure. It is a scary world and it hard not to make your child so scared of it. I like 5, I am not ready for teenage years.
Oh I feel nervous for you. From what I've read in your post, I think you have a gut instinct about the whole scenario. It's important that she act and understand her age. If not, she will get into trouble with boys at an early age. I am no expert but I remember reading about this stuff in my childhood development class. I would cut out the older kids for sure. It isn't necessary. There are plenty of kids her age. (I'm assuming.) She doesn't need to be learning things from those older kids. Certainly you are not wrong for not letting her go to their houses. You are protecting her. I like the idea of keeping it outside where you can see them. No basements. You have things to do. You don't want to babysit all day. You are an awesome mom. Good luck. Wish I was really knew what I was talking about lol.
i think we forget that kids don't have any grasp on age. gavin loves much older friends and 1year old friends. and my neice would say boo to a pony party to and she is five so i think they just grow up faster then we want:( but i agree my kids don't play in anyones house that i don't know personally (like really well, and still hardley then) i feel much more comfortable just having that be out of the question. but olivia probably gets sick of being with her brothers all the time that are younger and just likes showing off that she is bigger and cooler, i wouldn' stress as long as you are aware and know whats going on!
Hey Jamie, I agree with Savannah. Isaac used to play with older boys and girls in our neighborhood- until finally I just flat out told them... you know what? I think you are too old to play with Isaac. Their parents even got mad! So what? Its your child and as a general rule, you can play with friends outside to ride bikes and that is it- especially boys at your house- You probably have the feeling you need to do something but are nervous because you don't know what to say- just be honest and nice at the same time- Olivia will appreciate it later. Remember even if someone says something-that is inappropriate- however innocent they are- it will still stick in Olivia's head- you are better off to protect her now than clean up after something not so great happens.
Post a Comment